What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
