drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
