I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
