oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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