Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
