I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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