areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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