GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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