so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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