We won't sleep together?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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