my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
