your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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