i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
