WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
