i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
