I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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