so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
