Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
