Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
