So drunk its hurt
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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