Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
