my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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