I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
