I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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