There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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