The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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