dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
