i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
