I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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