Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
