Im at strip club and am horny
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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