I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm like, not good at living.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
