What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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