Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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