For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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