plz talk dirty to me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
