I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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