There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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