The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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