where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
