Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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