Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
