This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
