my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
