I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
