Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
