She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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