what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
