She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
