i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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